I remember being so upset with a certain family member that I never wanted to talk to them or see them again. When you want to Cut a toxic family member from your life for good it can come with a lot of Self-doubt. I remember wanting to make that decision, put my foot down and say enough was enough you will not hurt me anymore! I searched for blog articles of someone writing about it and giving me permission to cut this family member out of my life FOREVER! It’s so sad when we are so hurt to the point that we need to make a final decision to feel like we are not only protecting ourselves and possibly our Children, but that we are also ending a situation that has brought us so much pain so that we can finally move on, and we feel that the decision needs to be made right NOW. And sometimes maybe it does. But Here’s the thing …
You don’t need to make such a final decision right this minute.
Let’s Face it, if it were that easy you wouldn’t be reading this right now! It’s ok to say, I cannot have you around right now. It’s not good for anyone. I am too angry, and this is not good for my emotional well-being. And mean it. If the relationship is toxic, the family member should be able to be adult enough to agree and take a breather as well. If not it’s ok to Block!
Block them from your phone and social media. If you are triggered by them or have a hard time not reacting to them. Then Block away! I feel sometimes out of site is out of mind and until We heal on the inside and have a break to regroup there is just no way to heal!
It’s ok to give stipulations.
If they are abusive, have mental issues, or an addict. It’s ok to put your foot down and say, “I cannot have you in my life until you get help” and hold them to it! This may need the push they need to get help. You are allowed to put a time limit on it. I cannot talk to you until you have been going to therapy, or sober for at least 6 months. Or whatever you feel you need.
Be Careful with Stipulations.
If you really want this person out of your life and you feel you cannot get over what has gone on, then move on. Don’t bet on them not being able to fulfill your expectations, because if they do then you will have to honor the rules you have set and begin working on the relationship again so be warned. Some people may surprise you..
Take responsibility for your part in the bad relationship.
This one goes for the argumentative relationships, physically abusive relationships are way different and shouldn’t be put into this category of responsibility, unless you are abusing them as well. This may be hard because some people just know how to push our buttons and cause chaos in our lives. But people can’t upset someone that isn’t triggered. We need to take a step back and look inside ourselves. When we start to figure out WHY things hurt or trigger us, asking the questions “why” can help you gain clarity for example: family member calls you lazy and you will never amount to anything obviously it hurts you but why? Get into it.
Because it’s mean
Why
Well it’s not true
Why
Because I work hard to do the best I can
Why?
To be successful
Why
Because I want to provide for my family
Continue.. You Get the Point
You can continue to ask why over and over until you can’t ask it anymore. You will be shocked at some of the things that come up. Honor those things and release them.
The main focus here is to do the work that helps you to learn to love yourself.
Once we learn to love ourselves, the toxic relationships stop. Because we will not allow it.
And what we can’t stop from happening, doesn’t bother us anymore, because now we know why something upset us and we fixed that unconscious program. This is called Shadow work and there is tons of information about it if you would like to dig into fixing some things that trigger you, that you may not even understand why.
Writing things down in a journal is a good way to start and a good thing to look back on to see how far you have come!
Trauma is defined by: emotional shock following a stressful event or physical injury.
Most things stem from trauma, either childhood or later in life. Most people hear the word trauma and think, That’s not me I had a good childhood with good parents and nothing really bad happens.
This can be so many things in life. Including break ups, broken bones, job loss, etc. These things cause us to have expectations about what a situation will bring. This is why 2 people rarely have the same experience. Because their past experience, programs the future expectations and no 2 people had, and perceived the same experience exactly the same way!
“When you change the way, you look at things the things you look at change”-
Wayne Dyer
Forgive for you, not them!
You don’t even have to tell them that you forgive them. But no matter how angry /hurt you are. You need to let that burden go. This is where DIS-EASE comes into the body.
You will make yourself sick holding on to anger.
Try sitting in a quiet room, and looking at the situation from a neutral standpoint. Ask questions. How was their childhood, did their family treat them the way they are treating you? What have they gone through, are they angry? Jealous. Was there a time in you life you possibly acted the way that they are? Can you see anything from their point of view?
There are 2 types of people in the world.
The kind that treats people the way they were raised, and the people that will never treat people the way they were raised. Some people learn and rise up. Some people don’t know any better
It doesn’t make one better than the other. We are all doing the best we can. If you work on this a few times a week the pain will start subsiding and you will form some kind of understanding. Sending them love from a far is a good way to do this, as much as you may not want to, sending them love and hoping they find whatever makes them happy in life, releases the negative energy from you.
Don’t stand in judgment!
I know this is so hard. But it is not your place to judge! Everyone has to answer for the things we have done in this life. Remember that what people Think about you is none of your business! Stop talking to anyone that will listen about your side. Not only does it continue the toxic exchange, but most people don’t want to hear it, and if they did you probably won’t change their mind one way or the other!
Your feelings are valid!
Take time to feel them, and release them, shoving them down only adds to the eventual blow up. Which we need to avoid. Feel your feelings as they come, as uncomfortable as they may be. Get comfortable being uncomfortable! That’s how we grow and evolve. But no matter what you choose to do make sure you learn from it! We are all here to learn, and to try not to repeat the lessons along the way.
Whether you choose to cut them out of your life for a day, a year or forever It is a personal choice that you have to make. And any of them are ok! You do not need permission or need to take someone else’s opinion. But you do need to take time to heal yourself or this will spill over into other areas of your life. Your Happiness and peace is the most important thing, and don’t let anyone tell you different!! Reading these other posts may help you. Hope this Helped! Please leave a question or comment or email me if I can help in any way! How may I serve?
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